btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
