I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
