Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
