i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize