Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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