From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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