I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
