I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
