chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
