I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
