so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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