I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
time to smoke my breakfast
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
