Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
