Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
