Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
