Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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