Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize