I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
