Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
