she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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