He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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