i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
