I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
