if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
