At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
