I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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