I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You made out with two different species that night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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