she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
