Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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