I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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