im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
