i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
