fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize