Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
whose parrot is this?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
