I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
