I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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