But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
