It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
