naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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