Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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