apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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