yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize