Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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