it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
