i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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