There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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