you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize