Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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