He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
