i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
