i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Alive.
So much puke
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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