I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
