Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
