I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
