It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
