I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
