Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
