you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize