Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
