it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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