i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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