So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
