i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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