I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
