A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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