I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
