I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
