Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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